It was a nice evening as it usually is during the spring times in Budapest. I was waiting for the results from the retake of the exam I had failed and to shorten the time I was strolling around the castle and enjoying sightseeing. It was about 12 pm and I have been already three hours since I left home, so I was on my way back. Suddenly, I noticed a girl walking in a strange way in different directions. I had nothing to do this evening anyway, and probably wouldn't fall asleep even at 12 o'clock, so I decided to offer her my company. I started to follow the girl and in a few minutes I managed to catch up with her.
"Hello, my name is Alex"- I said – "Would you mind if I make you a company?"
She kindly agreed and told me that her name was Rachel. After awhile she explained me that she missed the last train to her city, which is about one hour and a half riding from Budapest, and so she had nothing to do except to wait for the next train which is at 4 o'clock in the morning. I proposed her to go see the castle and some neighboring sights, but before that we went to my home to pick up my camera and a tripod. This was the very evening when you can do the best pictures at night. And though we made just a few they were awesome. She was so fresh and amazing, pretty and vivid; I couldn't believe I had met her. I already knew she was deep inside my soul but I still couldn't make the first step, or I didn't even want to. I so liked to see her, enjoy her laughter, just be with her, I had no need to push her further. I usually don't like make pictures with myself, but she was persistently insisting, so we made several. I felt that she would like me to approach her, and couldn't understand why I wasn't doing so. We went to see the Chain Bridge and the funicular which goes down from the hill. That was the place where I touched her for the first time. We kissed many times this night, but it was enough for me just to stay besides her and feel her breathing. I was asking time to slow down, but as it usually does at such moments, it was running fiercely.
We were getting late to the first morning train, and while hurrying up she still stopped me several time just to… I knew it was of these moments that happen only once in your life. I told her that we shouldn't stop anymore, even though I couldn't let her go, I was forcing myself because I was afraid she would miss her train. She said that she can wait for the next one, so we would have one more hour together. One more hour sometimes is less than a half of a second. Of course we exchanged our cell phone numbers and I was going to ask her email after the first phone call. I was sure it's only a beginning of our own story.
I helped her to buy a ticket and accompanied her to a train. I didn't want to push her further and didn't go with her to her city. It was 5 o'clock in the morning, so I was sure she wouldn't have any problems with transport. Train moved, I staid on the platform for awhile and then went home. My home was just ten minutes walk from the railroad station, so quite soon I was about to turn in, but before that I wanted to send her a message. I wrote her a sms thanking for this wonderful night, and promising to send her the pictures we made that night the following day. She didn't receive the message, I worried a little bit but was almost sure that she just turned off her phone or the battery was too low so it turned off by itself. I didn't sleep much I couldn't wait to send her my message again, but I saw that she hasn't received the first one. Probably, she just forgot to recharge her phone – I thought.
This day I spent boasting to all my friends and flat mates, what a wonderful girl I met. The only thing I was worried about is that she hasn't received any of my messages, and her phone was out of reach.
After two days, I just couldn't wait any longer and I knew that something wrong probably had happened. I hoped she just lost her phone, but even this meant that we wouldn't be able to contact each other, since she doesn't know my number (it's in her phone) and I can't reach her phone. I started to think how I can find her. It seemed there was no way to find her in a 120 000 people city, but then ideas began to fill in my mind. Firstly, I went to T-Mobile, provider of her cell phone service, but in several shops I was refused to be given any information about how can I find her. My second idea was to put the posters all over her city, and since I knew she was a teacher of English in one of the schools I'd have to do it only near the schools of this city. I calculated that would be only up to 200 posters if I put about 5 near each of the schools. So, I started looking in internet for the list of the schools. I asked a few Hungarian guys to help me with it. I bought a map of this city and was almost ready to go. I was sure she wanted to meet with me, but she didn't know how to reach me. Though, she knew my home address, and in principle could find me at my university, I showed her where I studied, but I thought that girls are usually too shy and they never make the first move.
I have already had several different plans how to find her, and I was sure one of them would work out anyway. The only chance to see her again was to find her, I couldn't miss this chance. Unfortunately, search in icq haven't revealed her, I was also unfortunate to find the list of the schools in her city, even though several Hungarian guys tried to help me, we had found just a few schools. However, I kept trying and one of the Hungarian guys guessed to type the name of the found school with her name in the google search engine. Surprisingly, we received several results, one of them was a web page of this school with a list of English teachers. I knew, there was low probability it would not be her. So, I started calling to her working place, but she wasn't at work. I left her a message with my phone number and was waiting for her call. She haven't called, so the next day (Friday) I called to her work again. There was a guy on the phone, he said he didn't know if my message was given to her, but he would meet her tonight, so he can deliver her my message with my phone number. He also told me that she, somehow, entered a wrong pin number to her phone, so it got blocked. Now I was sure it was her.
All this evening I spent looking on my phone. I started to hate it, it was so easy for my phone just to start ringing but it didn't want to. I was waiting for her phone call the following day and the evening, but I didn't get any call. On Sunday I just couldn't stay any longer, I knew we didn't have that much time, and I had to do something. So, early in the morning I went to her city.
I found her university, and I found two dormitories, but in both of them I was told that she doesn’t live there. One of her students told me, that she for sure was living out of the dorm, but he didn't know where. I went to the center of the city. It was a holyday and many people came to the fair. I was walking through the crowd trying to meet her. When I was totally exhausted and my head burnt on the blistering sun, I went to a shade and was watching the passing crowd. I spend the whole day in this city, and at 23 o'clock. I went home on the last train. I didn't meet her.
Of course I could proceed with posters, but I've already found her, and I decided to wait for a while before doing other actions. I was partly afraid she wouldn't feel comfortable seeing her name all over the city, partly I was afraid she would be scared and wouldn't like to meet with me again. I called to her working place once more, but angry voice let me know that unless I stop calling, I can learn a lot of "good" stuff about myself from them.
It was the morning of the following day after my phone call to her work (Tuesday), I was folding the letters of appeal to the dean of my department and the academic pro-rector. I got a phone call. I saw "private number" on the screen of my phone, so I was sure it was her. I was extremely exited when I picked up the phone. We were talking just about 4-5 minutes, but this phone call was so important for me. I tried to find the way to meet her, she said she's very busy this week, but probably we could meet on the weekends. I was not sure if I managed to write down in a correct way her email address which was kind of complicated, so I gave her mine. She promised to write me right after the call. I submitted my letters of appeal and run to a computer lab to check my mail box. Here was her letter saying that she was sorry, she couldn't get in touch. She was also surprised that I called her at work, and after this she wouldn't like to meet anymore. There were few more lines saying how busy she was during this week, and they were ending with the same idea that it's better for us not to meet again.
I wrote her a very warm letter with the pictures we took that night. I also promised that I won't bother her anymore and wished her all the best in her life. For me that was the end of the story. I could do everything just to find her, but I now, though it hurt, I could do nothing, it was her choice.
The next day, I received a negative reply from the pro-rector, actually it was more than just negative it was mocking and rude. I knew not much chance left I would receive positive reply from the dean, and I was right. I got the letter from the dean one day later (on Friday).
I wrote a farewell letter to my group mates, met with my best friends I made this year and was planning to leave on Monday. This evening was extremely difficult for me to bear: I lost in two of my major battles and I couldn't stay in this city any longer. I gathered my stuff, and the next morning I went to buy the tickets for the train back home.
I had lots of luggage, and I had to order a cub to get to the railroad station. My train was leaving at 18:20, but at 5 pm I was already on the station. I got on the train and was waiting for its departure. At 18:07 I got a phone call. It was her, she said she couldn't write me a reply because she didn't have any access to internet and asked if we could meet again. I can't forgive myself and probably will never be able to, that I told her that we can't meet again because I'm leaving home. If I only could express how I wanted to meet with her, but I fully understood that our story doesn't even have a hope for the future. I didn't leave the train.
Train moved, I was staring out of the window while trees were running behind it. We usually say:"I have a pain in my heart" when something wrong happens, but this time I distinctly felt this roaring pain.